#2 – Dogs that Bark

I’m not gonna play nice anymore. Dogs that bark when you’re walking by their fence need to GET THE FUCK OVER THEMSELVES!!!

I’m going to give these dogs the benefit of the doubt and assume that they’re not that stupid. I love dogs in general, partly because I think they’re pretty perceptive. So you’d think these dogs would have gotten the hint by now that this is just the way things work around here. All dogs go on walks. Sometimes you’re walking by our fence, sometimes we’re gonna be walking by your fence. It’s just simple physics.

Obviously when I am walking by a fence, I don’t give a shit about your fence. The same goes doubly so for my dog. So I seriously wish these dogs would drop their machismo bullshit and chill out and go do something more productive and less obnoxious with their time, like… daydream about chasing squirrels and eat a bone. No one cares about your property, at all. You live in a super janky yard anyway stop acting I care.

I thought of this because today Rita and I walked by a dog that was super chill and totally didn’t make a fuss when we walked by, he just did his own thing. More dogs should be like that guy.

Blog Post #1 – A Blog Post A Day

Apparently if you want to be a writer you’re supposed to write everyday, and it has come to my attention that I have no excuse for not doing so. As such, I decided I’m going to write a blog post everyday. Will they all be good? Probably. I’m very talented and hilarious so I fully expect to knock all of these out of the park. Not to mention, I have great opinions and ideas and so I imagine that those who are privy to read my thoughts will also benefit immensely. This world could use more Jessica Cabot and I’ve been selfishly denying everyone of my presence for way too long.


I’m very excited about this resolution, particularly because it is now August and not January. Fuck January. August has always been my favorite month. It is also the only month without any significant holidays, and I find this to be no coincidence… no obligations or expectations.


And you know what? Shiit. While I’m at it I might as well tweet everyday too. Remember when I used to do that, guys? Yeah. 2014 starts now. B-)

In Which I Dance In My Underwear on Venice Beach

Lady Mercury and Lady Sodium Love It

All Alone With No One To Talk To – Episode 2

In this episode, Jessica raises the stakes

You Sexy Thing

Jessica Cabot Presents…

“You Sexy Thing” – a sketch thing she did in her room when her mono symptoms flared up and she couldn’t leave the house for a week in 2011.

Dear Social Media Network,

There comes a time in every Millennial’s life where they must sit back, take a look, evaluate their efforts, and ask themselves, “am I getting enough attention on the Internet?”

However, it seems to me that the real question is “do you even have to ask?” because if one has to ask if they are getting enough attention the answer is probably clear that they are not.

I myself have come to one of these periods of self-reflection and it seems, indeed, that I am not getting enough attention on the Internet. Now, I could sit back and ask myself why this is, but in an age where attention is the end-game it seems foolish to contemplate whether my efforts have been “good enough” or even “enough”. I have a BLOG, sir, I did a thing once! I think we can all agree that that thing I did once was publicly humiliating enough that it warrants some more “views”.

And so, because I am clearly awesome and entitled to having a lot of people pay attention to me just because I am a young person who has been characterized as demanding that this be the case – I am now imploring you – my online social media network… no… demanding! that you pay more attention to me and what I am doing on the Internet.

Does this mean I have to write more and make more stupid videos in my room? Ugh, probably, but for now I would like to take this time to re-exploit my previous efforts in a grab for more attention. I will be re-posting one of my old YouTube videos or blog posts every day on all of my social media outlets until someone pays attention to me.

If you are hoping I fail and move back to Ohio, joke is on you! I am from LA so you have been fairly warned about the kind of delusion you are up against.

Thank you for your time and consideration.