Not too long ago I created a list of the top 10 chicks in Hollywood I’d totally bone if I were a dude.
What follows is a list of famous women from history I definitely wouldn’t want to fuck if I were a dude, unless maybe I got blackout drunk or someone dared me to:
10. Queen Victoria
9. Frida Kahlo
8. Mary Todd Lincoln
7. Georgia O’Keeffe
6. Susan B. Anthony
5. Agatha Christie
4. Marie Curie
3. Yoko Ono
2. Catherine the Great
1. Beatrix Potter
Every once in a while I’ll find a song that I fall in love with. Like, I listen to it 80 times in a row (no exaggeration) and I start to feel like I have OCD or something, until at some point I’ve played the song way too many times and I realized I’ve sucked all the magic out of it.
Here is that song for the moment of August 23, 2010:
Back in the day, college was all about toga parties and binge drinking until your liver burst into flame. Nowadays, it’s more about all-nighters hopped up on Ritalin so your GPA can justify spending 40 grand a year. But all those exhausting classes, internships and research projects have to count for something, right? According to researchers: They do. All that effort adds up to a depressed and miserable life.
Meanwhile, skipping out on all that misery might just help you live longer than those Einsteins who don’t.
So How is This Helpful?
The Curtin Institute of Technology discovered that the more education you have, the more you’re at risk of becoming disillusioned with life. Sinking into a soul-crushing depression is just one of the ultra-fun side effects of higher education, along with a more stressful lifestyle and unmanageable financial debt. Higher education is pretty much like Christmas Day if you expect to get a pony, but instead you discover you’re trapped in a Dilbert cartoon, and also there is no pony. Only thousands of dollars of debt in a pony shaped stocking.
If that isn’t enough to drive you to the nearest Everclear bottle, another study showed that more intelligent people have less sex. The study, which does come with the important warning that a lobotomy won’t make you a sex god, shows that having higher test results means you’re not getting lucky tonight, or any time soon. So school is basically an epic anti-aphrodisiac, with the average moron getting more lovin’ than the smart guys.
“You have to love yourself the way you are in order for us to really see your talent. Love yourself, you are beautiful, and we will see that.”
This is a lesson I am learning. I think you have to love yourself for anything to work, really. And I don’t think I’ve been doing that… so, this time I won’t even apologize that this is cheesy. Enjoy it. I do.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon
(I borrowed these things from someone else’s blog. They’re good.)
This post is just about how great my life is. Because I have a great boyfriend who has an awesome magician roommate, in addition to cool friends with birthdays, I got to go to the Magic Castle in Hollywood. This means I have pretty much accomplished every single life goal I had at the ripe age of 21. (Other goals included going to Club 33 and being famous, which I was for 5 seconds.)
I don’t know what it is about magic, the 60s, alcohol, cheesy garlic bread, attention to detail, and ghosts that I find so fascinating, but the Magic Castle had elements of them all. Everyone inside was classy and happy and talented. It reminded me of Las Vegas if Las Vegas wasn’t populated by prostitutes, or Disneyland if it wasn’t populated by small annoying children. Basically, this was the best version of hyperreality I have ever visited.
I guess I shouldn’t reveal too many details about the Castle, so as not to compromise it’s mystique. A magician never tells his secret, right?
In any case I’m kind of in love with this place, and I wish I were a magician so I could go again. I am sure being a magician would have other benefits, like impressing chicks. But the people I saw are so talented… I’m pretty sure it takes a lot of work and training to be a magician. It might also require some coordination. So, sigh. Maybe not in this lifetime for me. But I am now confident that magicians are a lot cooler than musicians. Yeah, I said it.