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Conversations With My Cat

Photo on 2011-11-22 at 22.53

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my new kitty lately and getting to know her. I think her name is Freida but I’ve been calling her Frida. Here are excerpts from some of our most recent discussions:

Me: Awww you’re a BABY!!!!
Frida: *purrs*

Me: Awww who’s a baby!??!?!
Frida: *purrs*

Me: Hey baby!
Frida: *sleeps adorably*

Me: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!?
Frida: *climbs a chair*

Me: Jesus Christ, what has gotten into you??!
Frida: *acts like a kitten*

Me: Awww, I love you baby kitty!
Frida: *sleeps in the crook of my arm*

Me: Awww, are you a baby??
Frida: *sleeps on her back*

Me: Seriously, I am going to fucking kill you in your fucking sleep.
Frida: *chases things that look like strings*

Me: I love you so much! Are you my baby?
Frida: *sleeps while I hold her like a baby*

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Conversational Highlights 8/26/11

Context: I am at work, giving a tour.

Dude: So, do you want to be an actress or something?

Me: Actually, I want to be a comedian.

Woman: Are you serious?

Me: I think that’s the only serious thing I’ve ever said.

——

Context: I am on Facebook, procrastinating.

Me: Hey!

Friend: hey! what’s up?

Me: not much. um. yeah. haha. just chillin’.  how are you?

Friend: I’m freaking out because I’m too high. Has anything I’ve said to you made any sense lately?

Conversations From Work #2

INT. NBC Page Office

JESSICA CABOT sits at a computer. She blows her nose. A GIRL observes this.

Girl: Oh, Jessica are you sick?

Jessica: Oh, yeah, I’ve been sick for a while…

Girl: OH. GOD. Don’t get close to me. I mean, stay over there. My birthday is this Friday. I don’t want to get sick on my birthday.
(beat)
I’m going to Paris for my birthday. My boyfriend is taking me.

————-

INT. NBC Page Office

The same girl with the birthday sits at her computer. She looks up to make a comment.

Girl: Jessica, your page uniform fits you really well.

Jessica: Thanks.

Girl: Really, it fits your body so well. What size is your jacket?

Jessica: Um, a four.

Girl: Oh. A four? Let me see what size jacket I have.

The girl RUNS to her locker. She checks the size of her jacket. She runs back into the office.

Girl:  Oh! I have a size two! Oh my god my size two is just so big on me. You’re so lucky that your jacket fits you so well! Mine is a size two and it’s HUGE.

Jessica: I guess I’m fatter than you.

Conversations From Work

Co-Worker: I want a screen cap of dick van dyke kissing his son on the mouth

Me: honestly, i already looked for that

Conversation #4

Boyfriend: And then there was Law & Order SVU: Babies, which…. got pretty dark.

A Conversation You Might Have at Dinner if You Worked at Sea World

Your Spouse: So how was work today honey?

You: Oh, it was okay.

Your Spouse: Do anything interesting?

You: Not really. Same old same old.

Your Spouse: Oh. Just surfed on the backs of two dolphins again?

You: Yeah, pretty much. And one of the whales shot me up into the air with its nose, which was okay except I got some water up in my nose when I landed in the water.

Your Spouse: Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.

You: Yeah, well. It’s a living.

Conversation #3 / Vlog #2

Boyfriend: Your last couple of blog posts make you seem like you’re on crystal meth.
To continue this theme, I have made another vlog. In this one, I discuss how I am so fucking interesting.