Yelp Gets Dangerous or How I Insulted Truffles

I have to admit, I’m a pretty avid Yelp reviewer. Most recently I tried the Truffle Beet Salad at Umami Burger, which I did not enjoy. I made a comment that I didn’t think truffle flavor really belonged on salads, and that it was better suited to traditional food items like noodles, eggs, and french fries. Here are the results of my review:

Some Random Yelp Asshole: truffle dont go with salads u must be pretty fucking stupid

Me: it’s true. the opinions of my taste buds do directly reflect my cognitive abilities. i apologize that i have offended what is clearly your overt passion for truffles. have you enjoyed the truffle beet salad at umami burger? you must have enjoyed it. sometimes i forget that i’m wrong about everything and random, aggressive strangers on the internet are right. i will keep this in mind for my next yelp review.

(I take a moment to ponder the asshole’s original message.)

Me: in retrospect, due to the poor grammar of your original comment, i realize i am now uncertain if you were agreeing with me, that “yes, truffles don’t go with salads, you must have been pretty fucking stupid to even bother trying that salad” or if you indeed disagree as I originally took your message. This is an important debate, so obviously I hope you respond soon.


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