The Huffington Post recently did a piece entitled 13 Halloween Costumes That Have No Business Being Sexy. They did a pretty good job, but to be honest those are just the icing on the cake. There are plenty more that, well… you’ll see.
1. Sexy Skunk
In case you meet that special man with a fetish for terrible smells and small woodland creatures.
2. Sexy Smurfette
But wait! There’s more. Act today and you and your man can take part in the role play of your wildest dreams!
Not weird or creepy at all.
3. Sexy Remote Control
Don’t you wish all women had buttons that made them hotter and shut up? Am I right guys?
4. Sexy Big Bird (and Elmo)
For all men who dream of fucking a muppet.
Not to be forgotten: Sexy Elmo
5. Sexy Construction Worker
In case you want to end your night being jack-hammered.
6. Sexy Mrs. Potato Head
Check out the lips on that thing.
7. Sexy Pinocchio
Delight your inner pedophile with this classic get up.
8. Sexy Monopoly
Nothing says, “let’s get it on” quite like Hasbro board games.
9. Sexy Snowman
What better way to celebrate the holidays than with fishnet stockings and hooker boots!
10. Sexy Finding Nemo
What a great movie.
In conclusion, Halloween 2010 is going to be the best yet.
In an attempt to educate myself, I decided to read Psychology Today, which produced such uplifting gems as, “Why wait for marriage? Do it before you’re too old, like 30. Don’t do something stupid like ‘wait to get your career started’ because then you’ll never meet anyone good again” and more notably “Fuck you, science says there’s no afterlife and I don’t know why you’re being such a fucking cry baby about it because logically it’s not that big of a deal. I mean, what, it wasn’t such a big deal before you were born.”
Therefore, it seems my quest to learn more about anxiety and depression is working. That is, I at least have several scientific sources that reaffirm my cynical viewpoint and current existential crisis.
“Vladimir Nabokov, [said] that ‘our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness’. Brains that think otherwise – brains that deny they are brains and believe instead that they are eternal souls – are brains that hold false beliefs about themselves.”
Well, Jesus Christ. I guess.