Back in the day, college was all about toga parties and binge drinking until your liver burst into flame. Nowadays, it’s more about all-nighters hopped up on Ritalin so your GPA can justify spending 40 grand a year. But all those exhausting classes, internships and research projects have to count for something, right? According to researchers: They do. All that effort adds up to a depressed and miserable life.
Meanwhile, skipping out on all that misery might just help you live longer than those Einsteins who don’t.
So How is This Helpful?
The Curtin Institute of Technology discovered that the more education you have, the more you’re at risk of becoming disillusioned with life. Sinking into a soul-crushing depression is just one of the ultra-fun side effects of higher education, along with a more stressful lifestyle and unmanageable financial debt. Higher education is pretty much like Christmas Day if you expect to get a pony, but instead you discover you’re trapped in a Dilbert cartoon, and also there is no pony. Only thousands of dollars of debt in a pony shaped stocking.
If that isn’t enough to drive you to the nearest Everclear bottle, another study showed that more intelligent people have less sex. The study, which does come with the important warning that a lobotomy won’t make you a sex god, shows that having higher test results means you’re not getting lucky tonight, or any time soon. So school is basically an epic anti-aphrodisiac, with the average moron getting more lovin’ than the smart guys.