I will dare to ask the sort of hard hitting questions that are the stuff of controversial debates fueled by best-selling books (hint). I am brave enough to present one liners that will inspire even more hard hitting questions. But this is a good thing, because these controversial ideas often become national dialogues encapsulated in critically acclaimed manuscripts (hint).
Without further ado…
Hard Hitting Questions
It’s not a good idea to have a beer at work, is it?
Witty comebacks — making a comeback?
Radical new trend?: Loving your body the way it is (even with fat!)
Is it really enough to make a difference in just one person’s life?
I’m going to start an isolated community composed exclusively of people who think and act exactly the way I do. How can it go wrong?
Did the person who invented peace signs win the Nobel peace prize? If not, why not?
If your grandparents are racist, what does this make you?
Sometimes watching television is more enjoyable than hanging out with douchebags (people in general). What makes passive viewing of human interactions so much more pleasurable than active participation? Shouldn’t they be equally depressing?
Isn’t it sad that there’s all this coverage about the moon being bombed and nothing about Jennifer Aniston’s rumored pregnancy? What’s wrong with media these days?
Does heaven exist? If so, is it a giant party? What kind of party? A Balderdash party with small snacks from Trader Joe’s? A frat/sorority mixer with beer bong and pot? Possible argument for “yes”: life is really like one long hazing process, if you think about it.
Provoking One Liners
I should start writing stuff down.
It’s probably not a good idea to google playboy at work, even if it is culturally relevant.
I just got laid off and my marriage is a sham. But at least I have big boobs!
Please, do me a favor, and cherish this moment where you are young and better than everyone else.
It’s the small things in life that we live for — like little boys wearing Incredible Hulk suits at the post office.
Anywhere is a great place to hit on girls. Try your local gas station for starters!
Fact: Standardized tests are important indicators of intelligence and self-worth. Fact: Bears do better in standardized testing than infants.*
Things are always better with alliteration and/or rhymes. Burritos and mojitos. Carnitas and coronas. Chilaquiles and Tequila. (These are all actual alliterations and/or rhymes. If you think otherwise then you just don’t know any better.)
Being inferior to other people is a felony in some states.
If you are a person with no talents, limited skills, and a mediocre personality then DREAM BIG! Most beloved celebrities are just like you!
*Statistics based on BIAT (Bear vs. Infant Aptitude Test) results**
**Results based on stuff I made up