Halloween – Disney Princess Edition


If Target has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes little kids are fat. And because of this blessed fact, I can pretty easily find clothes in the little girl’s department that fit me at age 21 (size XL).

Applying this knowledge elsewhere, I went to the Disney store and saw a collection of sparkly princess dresses for Halloween. Halloween is my favorite holiday besides New Years, and this year I really intend to try and make the most of it. And, because I have an interest in being a Disney princess professionally, it just made sense that I picked up the largest little girl Cinderella dress I could find to try it on.

However, the Disney store does not have dressing rooms. I personally feel that, for a store that sells mostly clothes, this is a bad business move. But then, I understand that we live in rough economic times, so I guess cuts have to be made somewhere.

Being a reasonable customer, I went to the very back corner of the store for some “privacy” and began, with the help of my friend, to pull the Cinderella dress over my street clothes in order to “try it on.” After some initial tugging and pulling, the dress was on snugly. Granted, it was about a foot and a half too short. This seemed irrelevant. The important thing was that it was on.

At this moment, a store employee approached me to begin a dialogue.

Employee: Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask you to not try that on.
Me: It’s already on!
Employee: These dresses are made for little kids — we don’t want you to stretch out the material.
Me: Yeah. But it’s already on! It fits! Look! I’m not that fat.
Employee: Right, well, it’s just that they’re made for little kids.
Me: Well, I know, but you don’t make these dresses for adults. And I want to be a princess for Halloween. So. And it fits!
Employee: I’m going to have to ask you to not try this dress on here.
Me: I know, but it’s already on! And it fits! I’m sorry we’re back here, but you don’t have dressing rooms. So you know. If you had dressing rooms I would try it on in those.
Employee: (doesn’t know what to say)
Me: Okay, well, thank you!
Employee: (doesn’t know what to say)
Me: Well, yeah, thanks for your help!

What the fuck Disney! You are such a fucking tease. You make this really nice fantasy version of childhood and cartoons and advertise the shit out of it. Of course I’m going to want to be a princess! You told me to be a princess! You made me want this! But then, when I go to the lengths to become a princess, you stamp on my dreams and tell me I’m too fat and old. So whatever. Keep your “kid sized” 90 dollar dress. I’m just going to slap on a bikini and some knee high leather heels and be a fat stripper. Is that what you wanted? Good.


One thought on “Halloween – Disney Princess Edition

  1. That dress is $90? In these hard economic times, that seems like it does a lot to stamp out a lot of little (and big) girls’ dreams.

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