Things that were said during my vacation to Las Vegas:
(a 6’3″ woman with broad shoulders walks by)
1: Is that a man?
2: No, it’s a woman.
me: No, she’s definitely a tranny. I have an eye for trannies.
(I proceed to run into a small woman in front of me.)
2: Yeah, but not an eye for people in front of you.
hooker on the phone: Girl, listen to me. I’m going to help you out. The sluttier you are, the more money you make. Period.
1: I like the intercourses they give you at dinner.
(referring to the small dishes they give out at fancy restaurants)
me: I’m pretty sure she was a hooker.
1: No, she wasn’t, it’s Tuesday night. Why would she be turning tricks?
2: Well, the one thing I can say for myself is at least no one confuses me for a prostitute.
1: Unless you were in Iraq
(guy takes forever to play his hand)
blackjack dealer: Come on, are you going to play like a man?
guy: Excuse me! What if I want to play like a woman? You are a woman. I think women can play blackjack quite well, thank you! I think, in fact, I would prefer to play like a woman. So no, I won’t be playing like a man. I’m going to play like a woman.
These were probably only funny in context, or because I might have been drunk at the time.
Las Vegas, overall, was fun. I had hoped to find it a little more inspiring.
Things I learned:
1. Prostitution is not as great as it might seem.
2. Mixed drinks are not very strong at all in Las Vegas.
3. If the dealer has a low card, you wait for them to bust.
4. You can lose a lot of money really quickly playing slots.
5. Gambling, in general, is not a winning proposition.
6. Mojitos are probably still the best.
7. Couples in the rest of the country include hot girls and hot guys, but never at the same time.
8. I would be a terrible casino entrepreneur.
9. Some people are rich (and reckless).
10. Jon Gosselin denies everything.
(I didn’t really have 10 things.)