Love at first sight is pretty ridiculous. It’s definitely the stuff of Shakespeare — poetic but impossible to understand. It’s a nice idea but not feasible. Who falls in love at first sight any more? Maybe these people.
But overall it seems romanticized. And sure, we’ve maybe all seen someone attractive and thought, “I want to marry them.” But we don’t really want to marry them. Or at least, we usually recognize it as a casual and brief attraction.
Love is a complicated term to even define, but let’s assume we’re all on the same page with the word. Let’s say most of us recognize that you at least have to have a conversation with a person before love is possible. And more often than not, months or years have to pass before you can really be sure that it’s love. Thus, most of us agree that love at first sight is not even plausible. Lust at first sight, sure, but not love.
After doing some research via a facebook status I made that asked, “Jessica Cabot wants to know if you know of a movie/book/whatever where a dude is in love with a girl he doesn’t know from afar, and then somehow learns some small fact about her like her name, and then gets all excited about it when he does???” and then confirming these facts on Wikipedia, I learned that several people have already made some stories about the subject.
Big Fish, Les Miserables, Romeo and Juliet, The Notebook, and probably other stuff to name a few. So, culturally, it’s a significant idea. We all, I guess, like the idea of falling in love at first sight. But based on these examples, there are a few rules about the whole process.
- Only dudes can fall in love at first sight
- The love is always initially unrequited, until after persistence and determination, the guy gets his way and the girl gives up.
- There is some sense of a happily ever after ending — until they all die.
- The girl (usually) has a fairly lukewarm personality, but this is irrelevant in the scheme of “true love”, plus, the guy’s endearing personality makes up for her lack of one.
Maybe I made up some of these facts. But I really only bring up this topic because it applies to me, and in the end, everything I talk about has to do with me in some way.
I have recently fallen in love at first sight with a barista at Starbucks. I still don’t know his name, but recently after eavsdropping I learned that he is 24, which I think is a super cute age, especially since I usually, somehow, always end up with really old dudes.
I am, like, 75% certain I am in love with him. Have we had a conversation? No, not really, except one time he asked me if I wanted a different kind of muffin. Also, presumably, he knows my name is Jessica. I am pretty sure this is love though, because I always feel compelled to go to that Starbucks, and yet I always get nervous before I do. Plus, he resembles Topher Grace.
I have mentioned my love for a man I have only seen a few times, only a few times. I mentioned it to some friends, who told me I was overthinking things. And then I accidentally mentioned it in an improv class because the suggestion was “enigma” and it reminded me of how the love of my life currently alludes me, even though he is reliably at the same starbucks what seems like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
But again, I am pretty sure this is love and not lust. Lust is what I feel for someone like Bradley Cooper. He’s hot, but seemingly too smarmy and charming for me to really love him. This is distinctly different. I love Starbucks guy because, unlike most people, when I talk to him he says, “have a nice day!” And that’s sort of all I really wanted from another human being, was positive well-wishing. Plus, one time there was a little kid in the store and the little kid was getting in the way of him sweeping. And he said, “hey we’re going to have to hire you!” to the little kid. And then I melted.
So far, everything I have written makes me seem creepy (or pathetic). If instead of me being a 21-year-old weird girl in love with a random 24-year-old guy, I were a 50 year-old-man describing his affections for the 18-year-old girl who works at the Starbucks near his house, then it would be, no question, 100%, really creepy. Luckily I have my gender on my side, and so my infatuation is cute at best, and, again, pathetic at worst. (Also, to clarify, since the beginning of July, I have only been four or five times to this particular Starbucks. It’s been two months of loving him, but only, really, about one trip a week, if that. Some people go to Starbucks everyday, so I’m really not being… that weird. I think.)
This raises an interesting point though, I think. Back in the day, when Romeo loved Juliet, it was just… normal. Of course he loves her! Of course he’s asking random people to figure out who she is for him. That’s just how it goes! Lucky for Romeo, he existed back in the day. Back before internet serial murderers and excessive rape. If he said it was love, of course it was love.
In our current, era, however, even legitimate “we’ve-been-dating-for-two-years” love isn’t always LOVE. People break up, or people have problems, or we find out that the dude we’ve been dating for a while has really fucked up problems. So how could love at first sight be LOVE? In these scenarios, we don’t even know their name, let alone of any predisposition they might have for killing puppies. In this day and age, there is a fine line between “love at first sight” and “creepy stalker,” and the line seems more skewed towards creepy stalker.
So what is the point? The point is I need advice.