Hello, my name is…

This is my book I wrote. It is about me, a worm named Lowly. I am called Lowly because of all the people in my office, I am the least important. The worm part is because I’m a worm. The book has words in it, so I called it a word book. I hope you enjoy it.

Some of my interests include riding in apple helicopters, and falling asleep on the job. I stay up too late, and do not get enough sleep. It’s because I’m out drinking on work nights. It happens to the best of us though!

The book is rather thick, so my publisher decided to call it a chunky book. I hope that doesn’t throw you off. The pages are thick themselves, so I won’t trouble you with too many words.

How have you been? I’m ok. This week has been… well, I wouldn’t describe it as terrible.

You know when you know you’re better than everyone else, but no one else notices because you’re just a worm? Yeah, I feel that way too. It’s because I have no self-confidence, but that comes with the territory. You know, being a worm and all.

Well I hope you enjoy my book! I spent a lot of time on it and I did it so I could win a Nobel Peace Prize so everyone will start loving me as they should have already.

Thanks for your time!


Homeless Doll.

Surely by now you must have heard about the newest and coolest, HOMELESS doll.

There’s a fine line between advocacy and, well, poor taste. The ever-popular American Girls brand has released a controversial new doll named “Gwen,” a character who’s actually homeless.
CBS sent correspondent Hattie Kauffman to an L.A. shelter to gather some reaction to the doll:
[One homeless advocate] observed to Kauffman that she finds “the whole concept to be extremely disturbing. It’s not a doll I would ever buy for a child.”
There are between 7,000 and 10,000 homeless children in L.A. alone, Kauffman notes, and it’s doubtful many, if any, could afford Gwen’s $95 price tag.
One homeless woman in a shelter Kauffman visited said Gwen touched her heart when she saw the doll in its box.
The women praised the doll, Kauffman reports, until they learned Gwen isn’t a fundraising device for the homeless.

If you ask me not only is this doll totally in bad taste, but it also seems inaccurate. Those are some pretty nice threads for a girl on the streets. Look at that pink sash! Maybe she wouldn’t be homeless if she stopped spending her entire paycheck at Anthropologie. And who is her hair stylist? I wish my hair were that silky smooth.

I guess she is slumming it with the flip flops though. And that scrunchy… so 90s. But those are the breaks when you’re homeless, so I’m glad they made this doll to raise awareness (and profits).

But really, the most outrageous thing about the whole thing is… who is going to buy this doll? And then, what made those people think that buying this doll for $95 is a good idea?



I almost forgot I saw this movie, but then I remembered. Perhaps because Fame only has a vague suggestion of a plot.

Thus, my review in short is this: watching Fame is a lot like going on a mediocre date at the Cheesecake Factory. It’s not a terrible way to spend two hours, and is even very enjoyable in some parts, but in the end you’ll totally forget it happened.

The circumstances of my viewing of this movie were ironic. I initially had zero interest in seeing it, but was persuaded by the promise of being “social.” Because of traffic, I got to the theater only in time to see the movie, not to talk to people. (These were the people who wanted to see this movie.)

After the movie I discovered during some brief conversations that, of everyone who saw the movie, I was the only one who seemed to enjoy it at all. Everyone else who, again, wanted to see it, did not seem to care for it. And then we parted ways.

I enjoyed it because some of the music was good, and because all of it took place in New York. I was reminded of fonder days of going to sketchy, ridiculous night clubs such as Webster Hall. The glory days of taking subways and being young and drunk in random parks, rapping to the Beastie Boys.

Also, jesus christ, the girl who danced was way too hot.

I also learned that, apparently, black families in New York are hard-asses and either don’t want their kids to go into creative fields or have very specific constraints on which creative pursuits are acceptable. I sort of wish this had been expanded upon, but instead these moms and dads just seemed like uptight assholes.

So I guess my “note” is this: if you’re going to make a pseudo-documentary, don’t half ass it. Like, actually give background and depth to these characters, because there seems to be some legitimate social commentary being ignored.

The girl was super hot. I wished I could be her and be hot and dance like that.

Although, if I hadn’t watched this movie in a theater, and instead saw it at home, I am very confident that I would have found facebook to be more interesting. Then again, it’s pretty difficult to beat facebook.

In short (for the second time): this movie’s strengths were New York City, dancing, hot girls, and some good music. It’s flaws were everything else.


Today I babysat some cool kids, which was the perfect excuse to play hopscotch and catch up on movies I haven’t seen since I became a different person (an adult).

Therefore, here are some movie reviews:

Lady and the Tramp


So it turns out this movie isn’t really about dogs. Or, it “is,” but it is actually a contemporary romantic drama disguised as a children’s film from the 1950s.

Here is the plot, since there is no way you could know it since everyone thinks it is about dogs eating spaghetti, which is misleading:

Lady is a society girl who has things pretty good. In fact, life couldn’t be better. She’s got a cozy set up, and anticipates a life full of quiet bliss. Tramp is a free-spirited rogue who survives the streets by charming, schmoozing, and improvising his way through tough times. However, in embracing his down-and-out lifestyle he is able to “have fun” and “live life,” which are things we learn Lady is afraid to do.

One forced plot point leads to another, and Lady finds herself out on the streets due to some bitchy cats and a huge misunderstanding. Although Lady initially doesn’t like Tramp, he charms her consistently so that she eventually ends up falling for him. (This is why this movie is about people; this could easily describe most of the dating circumstances I myself have been in.)

They eat spaghetti, and one thing leads to another and the two end up waking up side by side the next morning after a musical number about a “bella notte” (they had sex). Lady is swept up in the charisma and easy-going attitude of Tramp and ends up hesitantly agreeing to go do some risky things with him, like chase chickens (this also applies to real human dating situations, except instead of chickens the events involve guns).

Unfortunately, this is the end of Act 2, so something goes terribly wrong. Oops! Lady is in the pound. She doesn’t belong. What happened to the good ol’ society days? How could the Tramp mislead her so? The pound dogs admit she doesn’t belong there, and so sing about the Tramp, who, like his name suggests, sleeps around a lot. A Mexican Chihuahua with an offensive accent, typical mustache, and sombrero sings to Lady that Tramp slept with his sister, Rosita Chiquita Juanita, amongst others.

Lady is completely off put and offended by this info, but not because the sister’s name was highly stereotyped. When she gets out of the pound and Tramp tries to tell her “it’s not my fault!” she turns a deaf ear. This, too, seems scarily reminiscent of human male/female interactions. Blah blah blah; a rat almost eats a baby; Tramp helps Lady save the day; she realizes he’s a good guy after all and that he really does love her; they have small puppies together.

It was a fun movie to watch, but, again, unsettling that this movie about people was drawn to look like a movie about dogs. I don’t want to watch a movie where some of the guys I’ve dated look like a grey terrier mix.

Also, I could say a lot more about the blatant racism disguised, again, by cartoon dogs, but for a Disney movie this point seems too obvious.

Never Been Kissed


I watched this one after the kids fell asleep. I liked it when I was 13, and I still like it now that I’m old. However, the movie has pretty cliched and boring writing. Did you know Jessica Alba and John C. Riley are in it? Bet you didn’t.

This movie’s saving grace is Drew Barrymore. If Drew Barrymore weren’t absolutely adorable and lovely then her awkwardness really would be too painful to embrace. Luckily, this isn’t the case.

Also, I just realized that the teacher is hot. Normally, it might be “creepy” that a teacher is sort of hitting on his student and encouraging her to go to Dartmouth. However, I always really enjoy plot lines of this sort, and plus, the teacher is hot. So it was rewarding at the end when they finally kissed.

I don’t know. There really isn’t a whole lot to say about it, except that Drew Barrymore is amazing and that I was Josie Grossie in high school.

In fact, maybe this movie hit too close to home for me, because I briefly considered the possibility that going back to high school on an undercover newspaper report might not be such a bad idea. Especially if at the end of it you got to make out with a hot teacher. Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?

Last, Drew Barrymore says something smart, and I seriously don’t think you understand how much I love her, “All of you people, there is a big world out there… bigger than prom, bigger than high school and it won’t matter if you were the prom queen, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.”


Women in Comedy

I both love and hate my old school (or alma mater, whatever). Vassar taught me a lot of important things and helped me to realize who I am. But then, at the same time, it presented some road blocks due to the overwhelming pretentiousness and self-righteousness of a lot of the student body.

I feel like this article about my close friend’s comedy group serves as a pretty specific example of that negative attitude I hated. And it also makes me feel like it’s important to bring up women’s rights in conversation, because it’s such an easy topic to ignore…

Basically, my friend is a member of an all-female comedy troupe, the only one on campus. They recently hung a poster for auditions and someone graffitied, “You enforce and legitimize gender binaries.”

Um… pretentious and self-righteous? Yeaahh… not to mention completely off-base and offensive.

The article goes on to say a lot of things that I completely agree with. I guess it would be silly to paraphrase it and then agree with that paraphrasing when you can just read it yourself.

And now… I go on to discuss my perspective on being a 21 year old girl in comedy. This might change, because I will inevitably get older and see things differently. This is how it is today though.

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