“Jessica comes off as really desperate and bitter.” – someone recently

“We feel that Jessica’s style of humor doesn’t exactly mesh with what this new beast is going for.” – improv group

“Jessica’s new hair cut makes her look like a hooker. Just gotta pour some syrup all over her.” – TV celebrity

“Jessica is so emotionally unavailable that even her cat feels like it isn’t getting enough attention from her.” – close friend of many years

“Jessica looks like a piranha.” – middle school friend

“Jessica is fucking crazy and bipolar and I’m going to distance myself from her.” – a friend who does cocaine

“Jessica isn’t bipolar. She doesn’t experience any highs. It’d probably be nice for her if she did but she doesn’t.” – Jessica’s therapist

“She’s a horrible person.” – a guy Jessica went on a few dates with

“Hey, she’s actually funny!” – someone from twitter

“Jessica’s skin is the color of milk. Why is she so white?” – some dude in Italy

“Jessica would have to beat the boys off with sticks if she lost some weight.” – guy she lost her virginity to

“Jessica talks too loud. She should stop cussing in front of small children.” – companion on road trip to Vegas

“JESSICA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??!” – co-worker

“She’s selfish.” – Jessica’s mom

“People who hate people are drawn to her.” – friend

“She must be confused.” – ex-girlfriend

“She’s really annoying.” – college friend of friends

“Jessica is a disgusting human being who is living in filth.” – Jessica’s ex-roommate

“Everyone is really glad Jessica is leaving and that I’m replacing her. I’m the better version of her.” – girl who took over Jessica’s internship

“Jessica reeks of alcohol.” – girl on Vegas trip

“Jessica shouldn’t be encouraging people to follow their dreams when she’s obviously given up on hers.” – co-worker