Thought Catalogue recently enlightened we 20 somethings about what we’re doing wrong with our lives and how we might make these proposed changes to fix that.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/20-new-years-resolutions-for-20-somethings/
Here is my hotly anticipated sassy rebuttal to said article:
1. Before you status update, Tweet, Tumble or Instagram, pause and say to yourself, “is it entirely necessary that I share this morsel of thought with my entire social network?”and if the answer is not, “yes, I absolutely must,” then step away from the Internet.
Nothing I tweet or tumbl is worth sharing with my entire social network.
2.Know which candidate you’re going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, and know why.
Sounds reasonable. I’ll probably vote for Obama because he’s democratic and hot.
3. Enough with the 14-day juice cleanses. If you want to lose a little weight quickly, eat less and exercise like crazy. If you want to lose a lot of weight slowly, do whatever Jennifer Hudson did.
I’m sorry, I can’t get behind this pop culture reference.
4. If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop.
Ugh!!!
5. Find a way to save approximately 300 dollars and spend it on a flight to see a friend or family member who lives far away.
Find me a job.
6. Please stop liking the Kardashians, all of them. It’s not helping anyone, least of all the Kardashians.
How is not liking the Kardashians helping the Kardashians? This article is a series of bold faced lies.
7. Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month.
Find me a job.
8. Wear clothes that fit you, especially to work.
Who is the fatty wearing clothes to work that don’t fit them at Thought Catalogue?
9. Call someone on the phone at least once a week, and speak to him or her for at least ten minutes.
I assume phone sex counts.
10. Start preparing now to get over the fact that Facebook is probably going to change again in six months. You’re not going to deactivate your account. You don’t know how.
How stupid do you think I am, Thought Catalogue? Honestly.
11. Wait 30 seconds before you look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like.
Waiting 30 seconds is so pretentious.
12. Replace one terrible reality show you’re currently watching with one wonderful scripted show currently available on television. Swap suggestion: Real Housewives of Anywhere for HBO’s Enlightened.
At least you’re not asking me to read a book.
13. Try that food you think you don’t like but have never actually tried, unless it’s brussels sprouts. They really don’t need any more attention.
And then I’ll finally be an interesting, worthwhile human being.
14. Cut one person out of your life who you truly do not like and add one person who you truly do. Note: not on Facebook, on Earth.
I’m really good at the first part.
15. If you’re still blacking out regularly, you should stop.
Going to assume that stems from a deeper psychological issue than one an online hipster mag New Years Resolution post can fix.
16. Volunteer once over the next 90 days. You’ll feel really good about it, and probably end up volunteering again over the next 275.
I highly doubt it.
17. Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text.
K.
18. Back up your entire online life onto an external hard drive, especially your photos.
I already deleted them.
19. Crap or get off the pot. This applies to whatever thing you’re not doing that you should just sack up and do already.
Jesus fucking Christ.
20. And in the eternal words of Tom Haverford, “TREAT YO SELF!”
Is the person who wrote this hip and in their 20s also? I’m getting those vibes.
Your past articles are pretty insightful…but you come across a little coldhearted with your comments here. Hopefully you were being sarcastic — but in 2012 I hope you go find yourself a job as it won’t be found for you, and do some volunteering as it might help melt that heart of ice -and fill in your resume gap
Hi, “A Thinker.” Thanks for reading my crappy blog and for commenting. I was indeed hoping that the phrase “hotly anticipated sassy rebuttal” would indicate the intended sarcastic tone for this. I wasn’t a big fan of these Thought Catalogue resolutions because I felt like they were written from a condescending place of “Here, I found out what’s wrong with your generation!” and “Fix these things by NOT doing a lot of these things.” Plus, to me all of these read as the conventionally expected norms of “perfect humans.” People who vote and know why, people who volunteer, people who are adventurous and try different foods. Not everyone is that person and I think it’s wrong to create a list of expected norms for 20-somethings without addressing the fact that people are unique and going through their own paths. ie. for the first one instead of saying “Don’t Tweet Stupid Thoughts” it could say, “Tweet More Ideas You Find Funny” (more positive, I think) or for the second instead of “You Need To Vote!!” it could say “Think about causes you find genuinely interesting and learn a little more about that today.” In general a lot of it irritated me. “Accept Facebook. You don’t know HOW to delete it?” I get that they’re joking as well but again, this was condescending and these resolutions were uninspiring.
As for a job, yes, you’re right, I should absolutely find myself a job, as that is what I’ve done in the past and how I’ve gotten as far as I am today. I was speaking more to the fact that we still do live in an unfortunate economy and it’s not that simple for all people in their 20s to just get a job that is high paying enough to allow them to save enough to go on random vacations. It’s not really feasible for a lot of people, and it’s not everyone’s fault if they can’t save more than they make in a month, and it ends up punishing 20-somethings and making them feel guilty for circumstances I often find are just as frustrating and disappointing for them.
I’ve volunteered, but I have found that the best volunteers are people who come across the work organically, not because someone yelled at them and made them feel guilty for not doing it.
Plus, my resume is fucking awesome because I work hard so there aren’t really any “gaps” to be filled.
Last, my icy cold heart is what makes me the charming young lady I am today.
I hope that clarifies why I wrote this…
Hi
I came here from Google search for North Hollywood and loved your NoHO post
I think you write Excellent and if you ever want to get off wordpress.com and/or write for a local Hollywood site let me know Thanks
My email is on here
Happy 2012